A STORY
OF 2 DOGS
I have 2 dogs, both Alaskan Husky's. To me they are the
most intelligent looking dogs I have ever come across. They are part of my spirit
world. They are not fantasies, they are very real, they have made their
appearance known to me through the SEAL Academy course on mental strength. Kokoro-Unbeatable Mind
One of my dogs is named Fear, and the other Courage. I
have gone so far as to have a picture of Courage in my wallet to remind me of
the mindset that I need to take with me every day into my life. But it has only
been like that recently.
My other dog Fear has been standing by my side for most
of my life. There is no doubt about him, he is one tough dog, and we have done
a lot of things together. But his, and so my decisions have been based on the
fear of failure. Yep, I will have a go at most things, but I am always driven
in my preparation and training in the mindset of that fear of failing. Fear of
failure can be a real "drive", a motivation. I wanted to succeed, so
I would not be a failure.
I have been a driven person all my life, but none more so
than after we had to leave dairy farming for good after 25 years, when the
drought of the decade finally got us during the late 1990s – 2000s. Lots of
reasons and comments were bandied about. Most were not positive, and some were
downright unhelpful. Basically I saw myself every day as a failure, and up
until recently I would get the whip out and beat myself up with it as a
"penance". So when I had the opportunity for a new career I threw
myself into it like a driven animal, and yes the fear was primal. Fear was
talking to me now, saying you know what it is like to fail, so do not fail again.
It drove me way beyond my limits, but I was so afraid of failing, and guess what
happened I failed again. That episode cost me my health over a time, it cost me
my personality, it cost me my perspective, and it cost be my chance of being in
the top group in my age group racing Ironman triathlons, marathons and ultra
marathon's. In the end I failed again and out came the whip. I was literally
thrashing around like a bull bogged in a dam. The more I thrashed the more
bogged I became. I was on a one-way road to God knows where, but I knew it was
not good. And that motivation of fear always fuelled my attempts to get back.
It was not going to happen. My dog Fear was always there. Yes okay you want to
do this to prove you are not a failure. Well okay, but do not let us fail again
and then after it happened he would comment, see you failed again. I told you
not to fail. I was getting more than a little tired of it all, and I really was
quite morose over it all.
So I decided I was going to turn my hobby of athletics
into my job. So a personal trainer I became. My sport is running and
triathlons, so I got certified in both as well as Kettlebells and Strength and Conditioning
training. I also gained my certification as a Nutritionalist. It was while I
was doing my Strength and Conditioning studies that my course leader mentioned
he was going to do a Kokoro Challenge with the SEAL Fit Academy. Of course this
pricked my curiosity. He gave me the website details, and so began a
fascinating journey that continues to this day. Kokoro Camp is a 50 hour
non-stop challenge of being cold, wet, and weary beyond belief, as well as
getting an earful from a Navy SEAL instructor. Part of the SEAL Academy course
is a 2 year course on mental toughness. I naturally thought of "Tim the Tool
Man" tough, macho tough, the bigger the better. Well that could not have
been more further from the truth, and this is where I realised that I had
another dog in my spirit world. His name is Courage. If I had have spent some
time looking behind me, I would have seen him, patient, waiting for an
opportunity to become my protector, and encouraging me on to a different path,
but I had not seen him and now I was in a bad spot.
One of the lectures talked about "What Dog are you Feeding"
and this is where I realised that in the distance there he was, head up, chest
out, looking right back at me with those searing, wolflike eyes, and he knew
that I had seen him, finally. He waited for my call, and when it came, he came
up and stood there. I patted him on the head and he just accepted it. He knew
before he took his place at my side that I had to do some hard things, and that
was to tell Fear that he had to go. That meant a lot of struggling on my part,
as we had been together for a long, long time and i had to be forceful in the
end, and I had to stand up to him. He finally left at the finish line of my
18th Ironman triathlon. It was the most disciplined, and happiest race that I
have had. It proved to me that Courage could take me a lot further than Fear
ever did. He moved up alongside of me in my preparations and asked me to give
him a chance, and I did. He wanted me to trust him, and I eventually did. Now I
am not afraid or fearful. He taught me that fear is my teacher, and not a stick
to beat myself up with, that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them in
a positive, constructive way. He taught me about not the fear of failure, but
about the fear of being a success, that I was afraid of becoming successful.
About being the best that I could be. He taught me about compassion, and patience,
about soft gazing, about yoga and
meditation, about looking deeply into myself, and owning and dealing with the
walls and fears that would stop my success. He also taught me about the concept
of positive actions. The use of mantras, of breath mastery for the ultimate
mastery of oneself. These things are now in my toolbox. There is no room for
fear. It is healthy to be cautious at times and not to be" gung ho"
all the time. Any projects that I now undertake, whether it be in my career, or
my athletic life, I use the SMEAC model for the development of my plan and then
use the OODA Loop to execute it. Do I use these tools all the time. Nope, but I
am getting better at it. It takes time to make them part of your conscious
thinking. It takes discipline, and daily practice, and patience, not when you
feel like it, or if you just have a spare moment. These things need to be taken
seriously if you want to progress.
Courage and I are now on the pursuit of excellence, not
perfection, because none of us are perfect. There will always be something we
can improve. The pursuit of excellence is about getting better every day. To be
the best you can be today, knowing that with effort and courage you will be
better tomorrow.
Courage will always be with me. He has shown me a path
that in time will open up my potential to be the person that I was meant to be.
But I have to do remind myself that this will take time, which is the rest of
my life.
Where is Fear these days. He still follows, but these
days he knows his place, far enough away that he has no influence. I turn back
and look at him everynow and then with compassion, something that Courage has
taught me. Fear is just the way he is and I have to be respectful of that.
|
| COURAGE |
How ever dark the night. How ever deep and black the pit,
know that with courage and persistence we will overcome.
What dog am I
feeding? Courage my spirit dog.
 |
| FEAR |
